1) "A good marriage is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen."
2) "Sex is like chocolate cake. After five days of eating chocolate cake, even chocolate cake doesn't taste that great. But after five days of talking about chocolate cake, that chocolate cake tastes pretty damn good.
3) "With any job there's going to be a certain amount of professional stress. You like to come home sometimes and, for that lousy hour or whatever, kick back and relax. Life is serious enough, isn't it? Sometimes you need to do something stupid. And if you can't be stupid with your husband, who can you be stupid with?"
4) "Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner can't fill in for you, for example, one of you likes classical music, the other one likes sports. Plus, taking a break from each other gives you more things to talk about, because when you're joined at the hip, what's to talk about? You've already seen it all."
5). "You've got to believe that somehow the two of you are going to make it through things. You've got to believe that you're being blessed with this person. And even if the power we feel just comes from the strength of our love, even if we don't believe that it's God who is helping us, I still think that it's good to acknowledge that there's a force between the two of us that's helping us out."

5 things super happy married couples do every day:
Daily Habit #1: Talk to Each Other
Daily Habit #2: Flirt
Daily Habit #3: Get Stupid Together
Daily Habit #4: Declare Your Independence
Daily Habit #5: Share a "Spiritual" Moment

I usually make a list of things that were firsts for me at the end of each year. But there were so many firsts, and some of them very private, i know i'll remember them as long as I live.

Oh yeah, remember last year when I said I was 80% happy, 20% pensive?

Now it's more like 95% happy. 5% stressed out about school, money, school, family, and... school.
I'm so happy!

this post is strictly to note the specific date I must keep in mind from now on so I do not forget future anniversaries:

Official beginning of my relationship with Alex: November 15th.

ummmmmmmmm


ummmmmmmmm






i know who i'm going to marry :)and he knows tooooo.

"To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self” - Joan Didion

It's true. Jealousy has nothing to do with what someone else is doing. But it has EVERYTHING to do with how you see yourself.

I can see some benefits to being jealous of the person you are with: you value their company, you value who they are, and you are attracted to them. Jealousy can be a litmus test for qualities like those.

Other than that, it's all bad.

I need to keep remembering that.

talking to alex again... barely.

taking things slow. its hard not to call him all the time. but its such a sensitive situation, we have to ease back into communication gradually.

first night we talked for 3 hours.. after 9 months, it was really refreshing.

steven did some apologizing tonight. good for him. he needs to leave me alone:

iamsteventapioca (12:50:14 AM): Do you hate me ?
iamsteventapioca (12:50:29 AM): Just say you do and I will stop texting you
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:51:23 AM): I dont hate you. I just feel uncomfortable when you say "Hey beautiful" You have a girlfriend.
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:51:55 AM): And your lack of respect for your relationship with her makes me uneasy.
iamsteventapioca (12:51:58 AM): alright... can we get along if i dont say that
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:52:21 AM): I think we can be civil.
iamsteventapioca (12:52:30 AM): civil works for me
iamsteventapioca (12:52:45 AM): I have to tell you something that your never going to believe though
iamsteventapioca (12:52:56 AM): but I want to tell you in person sometime
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:53:17 AM): Id rather you tell me now.
iamsteventapioca (12:53:41 AM): Well...
iamsteventapioca (12:54:00 AM): it probably doesn't matter now
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:54:26 AM): Then why bother bringing it up?
iamsteventapioca (12:54:32 AM): because
iamsteventapioca (12:54:58 AM): I just thought that you should know I sincerely liked you and I really had no intention of hurting you
iamsteventapioca (12:55:09 AM): so I still feel bafd
iamsteventapioca (12:55:12 AM): bad*
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:55:15 AM): i know that. no one does that shit intentionally
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:55:34 AM): i just dont respect the fact that you came to MY work, told ME coworkers shit about me and expected it not to get back to me.
iamsteventapioca (12:55:42 AM): huh?
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:55:43 AM): That part, Steven. That was intentional.
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:55:52 AM): Yeah. They told me everything you would say about me.
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:55:57 AM): You're lucky im even talking to you.
iamsteventapioca (12:56:09 AM): im sorry to pry, but what did i say
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:56:53 AM): I cant remember now, and Karen quit so I cant just ask her. But she mentioned you came and said some mean things about me.
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:57:00 AM): Something about me being slutty.
iamsteventapioca (12:57:11 AM): really? why would I have said that?
iamsteventapioca (12:57:16 AM): if anything i was a slut
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:57:17 AM): Envy? Anger?
iamsteventapioca (12:57:36 AM): but whatever happend was mutual, you got with your ex and i got with mine
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:57:48 AM): We were both sluts. But for you to come and talk to my coworkers about me was low.
iamsteventapioca (12:58:05 AM): honestly im sorry, but I really don't remember saying that
iamsteventapioca (12:58:10 AM): I had no reason 2
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:58:13 AM): Okay.
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:58:20 AM): Was that all you had to say?
iamsteventapioca (12:58:26 AM): yeah
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:58:31 AM): You dont need to keep apologizing, you've already apologized for that.
iamsteventapioca (12:58:32 AM): It has bothered me for months
iamsteventapioca (12:58:40 AM): I keep telling david
iamsteventapioca (12:58:56 AM): but I never got feedback from you before
OMGZ itz LAURA (12:58:58 AM): Its fine. It doesnt bother me. But there is no romantic future for you and I. I just want that to be clear.
iamsteventapioca (12:59:06 AM): ha ha no worries

way too many times

when it deserved to be alive."

i have a fabulous three weeks ahead of me.

one week backpacking across the sierras.
fabulous.



two weeks on the road.
fabulous.



i'm going to miss people. but I'll enjoy my solitude.

how can I learn to let anybody else love me


if I can't love myself?




i really thought I did, but i am lacking the confidence to do so today.

i think my last chance at honesty that will end in great success with my ex is to look like jennifer aniston.



yeah.

better get started on that.

i cant wait to go to Amir's party!

gotta love the mission hills.
so ritzy.

i'm happier with my body. lost 5 pounds! its looking better.

it is strange.

i have not thought of j. harbo(t) once since we last saw each other at our Global Economics final last semester. i remember that i did have a little crush on him though.

tonight was the first time we have talked since then. and i felt the butterflies returning.

we have plans to hang out the wednesday we get back from spring break.




but for now....

IM IN ORANGE COUNTY! w00t!
And I talked my Grandma and Aunt Carol into taking me to Disneyland in the morning! Hooraaaaaaaaaay!

cant fucking wait.

hookah with justin was soooo great.




finally, a male i can talk to for HOURS.

i am talking to toooo many boys that I am not fucking.



at-cha-cha-cha.

well, i'm going to chalk up incessant private horniness to being such a n00b to masturbation.
i JUST figured out how to do it right, so let me have my fun.

let me have my penis-free, always-a-pleasure, no STD's fun.





attention is fun. and im getting a lot of it these days. i wonder when this will end. never i hope.
as long as we ladies have two tits and no cocks, i suppose we're going to get attention for the better part of our cognitive lives. this makes me rejoice.

i got drunk for the first time in three months last night.
mahta wanted me to see armor for sleep + saosin with her in santa cruz.
i believe i've lost my eardrums.
my boob has an autograph on it.


these two random people gave us two extra tickets while we were standing in line, and jared and jack came to the concert and just kept buying us drinks the whole time. I tried jaeger-bombing for the first time! delicious. long island iced tea blows.

we headed to a party down summit road, but got lost so we just went to the cardinal. god, they spent so much money on us!

kinda made out with jack. and mahta. haha. and bobby julius and danny mcneil were there!
now im having those... "oh my god, NOW I remember that happening!" moments.

You make me wanna die"

He said it like he meant it
Story over no more
hopin to prevent it

"You make me wanna live"

She said that with a straight face
And she placed keep sakes
Inside her suitcase

"Everything you say is a lie"

He said that with a smirk
Fully aware that it'll hurt
When it hits the nerve

"You've never heard a word I've said"

She responded
But he heard that
And remembered it forever like a promise

Now here we are, wearing hatred on our masks
Let's carry on, put all your eggs inside that basket

Swing it round, until that wooden handle snaps
Sort 'em all out and only keep the ones that cracked

"You make me wanna die"

That's why I trust you
That's so I can look you in the eye and say I love you

.....

I've never seen a sun decide to set so abrupt
As it does when the gun inside of you wakes up

Almost as if it's trying to hide from your tantrums
Head full of hurt, pride, a closet full of phantoms

Never seen the sun shine quite so loud
As it does when that little girl makes herself proud

Almost as if it wants to come play a part
In those moments when your heart ain't afraid of the dark

But sometimes, I swear you make the sun confused
It wants to rise but it over-analyzes what to do

It cries more than you, when the storms come knockin
tries to hide it's face, just avoid watchin

I would ride by and wave, but there aint no parade
So I'ma stay and wait for the day the sun goes away

...

What is it about women that brings out my venom
Thought it was a peach, it tasted like a lemon

I ate it anyway, can't help it's my natural
From one extreme to another, no room for practical

Just act casual maybe they won't notice
Or fall off the planet so you can escape the focus

Break the dirt; bury me down when I'm broken
Or let the under-current carry me out to the ocean

Can't swim as good as I could as a child
But as a kid, I never swam just stood there and smiled

Even though the idea of drownin in you
Seems kinda like it might be the wrong thing to do

You gotta take a look at you and I, the clown and the fool
Love can make suicide sound so cool

Dying must be heaven, cause livin' his hell.

Let's watch the sun disappear into the water
Let's watch these people, and point at the imposters

Let's lay it on the line, let's travel across it
Let's live forever no matter what it costs us

Claustrophobic, lots of down talk
Toss clothes in and turn it off
Easily lost in moments

Forgot the motives, sun almost exploded
Lookin for proof, who would've knew, toy gun was loaded

Go ahead and throw it out into the waves
Say goodbye to yesterday and try to fly the stress away

Took it from the sky and looked it straight into the eye
Silence, trying to read between the snore and the sigh

There's a reason that they say that they can't take it with 'em
I'm your leavin cuz of love, it really isn't livin

-Atmosphere



I may miss him big time, but...

superbowl party at jon's house.


sweeeeeet!

i've never cheated on a boyfriend.

not on a BOYFRIEND.
and i never willlll.

so... does that mean i've never cheated... on anyone?
how can you cheat on someone if they dont possess you, nor you them?






i called susan, chris' mom last night while i was at work.
she really misses her son.
im sure we will get letter from him soon.


I had a nightmare last night that is still making my stomach turn. I had a dream I was sitting on the ground outside of a garage of a house. and inside the house was Chris' mom in the kitchen, and my mother and her sisters playing cards at the dinner table.

for some reason, i walked in the house wanting to be unseen. so i ran in in cognito, and down the hall, to a room thinking i would find Chris. Cracking the door open just a smidgen, I did find chris- panting, out of breath, lying next to some chic wearing ketchup-red lingerie. Yuck.

Thank goodness it was just a dream. Thank goodness i am not dating him anymore.

Date:	2008-01-25 00:55
Subject:	two guys for every girl
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy
Music:	Peaches - Two Guys For Every Girl

Laura: So, have you been talkin to your ex?

Steven, The guy Laura has been dating for the last month: Yeah...

Laura: Have you been hanging out?

The guy: Yeah...

Laura: Booty call?

The guy: ..Would you be mad?

Laura: Not really.

The guy: Yeah, we had sex a couple times.

Laura: It's ok. I'm doing the same thing with my ex.

The guy: NO WAY! WE 'RE SUCH WHORES!

Laura: HAHA! I KNOW!! We should probably call off our whole... Valentines Day thingy though. And be just friends.

The guy: Haha, ok. Wanna go to the gym tomorrow?

Laura: For sure. Seeya!



I love being 19. Sweeeeeeeeet!
Yepparoo. I love sex.

"myles."

as in "myles" who was killed in the first part of the departed.

i just said it when matt damon asked "what is his name - the departed?"

"myles," alec baldwin mocked me after i said.


that's all i've had to say all day. i talked to the fuckin tv.

whatever.

oh fuck, heath ledger died? fuck.